You’re Not Listening

uhuh … yes …. a nod of the head — but are we really listening?

Don’t you sometimes have a feeling that although the person your talking to seems to be listening, they really aren’t? It’s either they are thinking what to say next, thinking about something else or just aren’t interested.

Well just as we have this sense so do others.

It is crucial that when we listen we listen attentively for three reasons:

• We can learn something new

• We improve our ability to focus

• We gain the appreciation of the person talking

Active Listening

Active listening is about being present in the conversation, not listening to respond but listening to understand and really trying to find value in what the person is saying.

Seek the complete message, not just the words.

Active listening isn’t just about being quiet and trying to digest everything the person is saying, it is also about responding well:

• Question with genuine curiosity.

• Relate to what the person is saying with personal experience.

• Be empathetic in your response. Resonate with presented emotions.

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Becoming a Better Listener

Before even engaging in conversation, there are a few things we can keep in mind that can make us a better listener.

• Acknowledge there is always something to learn from the person speaking.

• Each conversation is an opportunity to build a stronger relationship with the speaker, to build new or stronger bonds.

• People can sense if you are listening or not.

With these in mind, you can engage in sincere conversation.

To gain a better understanding of the person talking, look out for the following less obvious signs:

• Non-verbal forms of communication presented in the person’s facial expressions, posture, eye contact and hand gestures. Their are certain ethnicities such as Italians and Arabs that are well-known for “talking” with their hands!

• Tone of voice when speaking about certain topics. You can gauge their level of interest and match their energy.

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Providing Feedback

There are subtle ways to present you are listening through feedback:

Show that you are listening through your word choice: What I am hearing is that…, what I have gathered is…, If I have understood correctly, what you are saying is …

Summarize what the person is saying in our own words.

Ask questions about points you are not sure on. When you said …. is … what you mean? Could you clarify ….?

As a final tip:

• When engaging in conversation, always remember to smile! Give positive energy from the get go, of course, only if it appropriate. It is important to try to resonate with the person’s emotions but if you find the opportunity to lift the mood with a smile, why not?

Thank you for reading and I hope you found this article insightful!

-Mazen